We will kill them!

THIS IS OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF SCHOOL CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“If he gets bail, they will kill him, they just don’t know HOW yet,” said Congress of SA Students (Cosas) provincial secretary Oagilwe Louw referring to protesting school pupils.

A protester told Sapa: “We will kill him today, but we are thinking of ways of how to kill him.”

When asked how they planned to do that, protesters huddled together in groups and one replied: “We are talking about it. We will have an answer for you all soon.”

What are these hundreds of children doing here. They should be in school studying not thinking of killing, or of HOW to kill someone. It’s friggin ridiculous.

I can understand the outrage against the two accused but the utterances of these children is wrong. What kind of examples are these children following? Is it the example of youth league individuals and leaders who sing, kill the farmer, kill the boer, or is it perchance the examples set by the elders and leaders, that sing about bring me my machine gun etc.

Where are the parents, and elders of these children who want to take the law into their own hands, or has it just become the norm to react with violence to every situation. Is it acceptable now?

I suppose we can’t expect any better from these children when their elders and political leaders thumb their noses at the rule of law and violence escalates unhindered. When fraud and corruption are the order of the day, what can we expect?

Shame on you, Mr Malema, Mr Zuma, and other political leaders, parents, elders and all who set bad examples for our children! How can they grow up to be well balanced educated people when they have such k*k examples to look up to?

The Lepers

Do we, as people living in a multicultural society in South Africa, afford the “Lepers” in this country the dignity which they are starving for and deserve because it is their right as human beings?

“Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!” When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed.”

These were men who weren’t naked, but naked in terms of their dignity. Cast out from society, seen as “untouchables” and people who were even unworthy of love. In that moment He gave the lepers the dignity that they deserved.

Not because they were lepers.

Not because they were beggars.

Not because they were poor.

Simply because they were human beings who needed the dignity of knowing that they deserved love as much as any other human being.

Who are the lepers in your own life? Who are the people who are naked? The people that, no one else will embrace? The people that everyone has cast out because, they somehow have offended their sensibilities. They may not be actual lepers but they may be unclean because they are suffering from an illness that makes them unacceptable to others. Maybe it is an addiction, a mental illness, perhaps they suffer from a disorder that makes it difficult for them to interact with others socially, old age, disability or HIV AIDS related.

They may not be beggars but they may be begging for attention. Not an unhealthy attention, but perhaps the basic attention from another person that you and I get every single day of our lives from the people we know and love. Perhaps they don’t have that support system.

They may not be homeless, but it may feel like that when they get home. The loneliness may be overwhelming.
We need to clothe them and to give them dignity. It would be a shame if we continued to let those opportunities pass us by. Thank you, Lord, for compassion and the ability to give of ourselves, to those in need.

 

Seeks Position as man’s/lady’s best friend
Curriculum Vitae
I am a 24 year old male slacker that needs a job where I can do nothing all day while being fed and housed at no charge. In return I will contract to do the following.
Although I am a man, I’m hiring myself out as a pet dog to any female who wants to own me. I truly believe I would make a great pet dog/lover, much better than your typical dog or lover. If you’re interested we’ll sign a one year contract, renegotiable at the end of the term. Basically, I’ll provide all the services of a pet dog and lover while you pay for all my food and housing, plus incidentals.
Personal Details
I am extremely good at slacking off, sitting around the house, barking at the odd noise that only I can hear, sleeping on the couch and scratching my rear end when it gets itchy, that kind of thing. Very much like any other dog. My lifelong passion and hobby is sleeping, and my qualifications in this field are impeccable. I am able to sleep anywhere at the drop of a hat. Sometimes I change rooms or chairs, and sometimes I even go to the front window to see what’s going on in the street. One of my favorite moments is the long drawn out yawn accompanied by a full body stretch, then collapse in a heap in the middle of the main thoroughfare, just so you know I’m there. At nights I like to stretch out full length on my bed which I will share with you if you lie still and don’t snore.
Education and history
2000-2001: lived at my parent’s. No job whatsoever and lounged around the house.  Pooped and piddled everywhere. Never in the nappy provided. Passed, with distinction.
2001-2002: lived at my parent’s. Destroyed everything that could be chewed, lost many socks and buried many expensive running shoes in the garden. Still no job, watched TV mostly from the couch, sometimes the floor.
2002-2003: lived at my girlfriend’s. No job, lounged around in her backyard when she wasn’t there, only left when humans objected to our humping.
Your obligations
Basically my objective is to fulfill all the duties of a lover/dog. I promise to sit around the house all day doing nothing, catch naps, maybe, watch some TV. I will NOT do any work whatsoever, nor will I pick up the phone. I will deposit at least one poop on your lawn for you to pick up each day. When, you come back after work, I will give you plenty of affection, then, go back to my nap. If you speak to me about what happened at work I will gaze impassively at you, and you will believe I am listening. I will bark at and jump on any friends or relatives you bring over. I will even make wild passionate love to you at your request. Your job is to provide me with all the food I need to stay happy. It’s also up to you to keep the place clean so I can find plenty of areas to sit and nap. As a potential owner you must definitely have a TV with satellite. All medical/dental expenses, to be covered by you the employer.

From the News Disc 7

“It would be good if portraits of King Goodwill Zwelethini, could be displayed prior to the commencement of the World Cup as this spectacle will attract people from countries all over the world.  “This display will complement the Kingdom of the Zulu logo that people see as they arrive in Durban.”  It was not the first time Zwelithini has made such a call. He first made it in 2004. The government then agreed but it was never implemented. At the moment, only portraits of President Jacob Zuma and Premier Mkhize are displayed. Zwelithini also called on the government, to elevate the king’s palaces to the “level that be fits the royal household”. “In that way, government will not be ashamed of showing our palaces to visitors,” he said.

Talk about self aggrandisement and getting your PALACES (plural) redecorated and renovated at the people’s expense. And here I go thinking we were a republic, not a kingdom. How wrong could I be?

A multimillion-rand contract for catering services for the KwaZulu-Natal legislature awarded to Nonkululeko Mhlongo, a Pietermaritzburg businesswoman, was not advertised in the tender bulletin, the legislature has acknowledged.
Mhlongo is the mother of two of President Jacob Zuma’s love children.

Who’s the Mama. Don’t worry, if we have children, the state will make you rich.

A Cape Town student says his life has been “destroyed” after he was arrested last week for “waving away” President Jacob Zuma’s noisy, blue-light convoy. A “notice of rights” document issued by police shows that Chumani Maxwele, 25, was charged with “Crimen injuria against the president of the RSA”. Maxwele was jogging on Cape Town’s De Waal Drive just before 6pm last Wednesday when a convoy of six government cars sped past him. “I waved them away, as if to say ‘hamba’, because of the noise. After that a black BMW X5 pulled up and three guys jumped out, pointing guns at me,” Maxwele told Sowetan.

Are we getting like Zimbabwe. When I was in the Defence force we had to stop walking, face the convoy and salute. I would salute with a more modern version today involving only one finger. Would I be jailed for life?

Earplugs are the answer to the excessive vuvuzela noise expected at Fifa 2010 World Cup matches, the African Earplug Company said on Monday.” A prototype, high-quality vuvuzela shaped earplug, which comes in various colours is in the final stage of completion,” said company spokesperson, Andrew Chin, in a statement. He said mass production of the earplugs was almost ready.

The manufacturers of mp3 players, iPods and various makes of cell phones are copyrighting their products and will fight against these new infringers, in court.

CAPE TOWN. Just days after Western Cape MEC Lennit Max said that he was incapable of sexual harassment because of a “medical condition”, the Democratic Alliance has asked the media to stop making cruel assumptions about Max’s service delivery capacity. “Just because he’s a DA member it doesn’t mean he’s impotent,” said a spokesman.

He was accused of the same thing a couple of years ago. Surely where there’s smoke there’s fire.

Allegations of corruption in the ANC, linking senior members to lucrative State tenders and patronage networks, have sparked tender wars in the State, and are often the object for power struggles in the provinces, for control of key departments to be used as springboards for private accumulation. These, and the public-relations nightmare caused by the messy private life of South Africa’s first citizen, now threaten to unravel the brittle coalition that brought President Jacob Zuma to power, setting the scene for a very fluid political landscape.

Jabu, open a new company, we will make sure you get the tender. Then you can put our portion in a brown paper bag in cash, so there is no bank transaction record. Or become a director. We will pay you in the same way. People are too stupid to realise that you don’t earn enough to live like you do.

This is the most beautiful city I live in. Cape Town, South Africa. Photos were sent to me by a friend taken the other day, of our fantastic new stadium for the Soccer World Cup.

I know that most people have said that we wouldn’t be ready but just look at this stadium and this is only one of many.

Expired licence and fines.

When a Rapport journalist asked about the fines at the time, Malema said: “I know only revolution, I know nothing about driving a car.”

“Let me tell you, my friend, I defeated you and your apartheid regime and I will conquer you again, once and for all!” he said.

More than 5 000 people, mostly elderly and including his grandmother, Sarah, converged on Seshego Stadium outside Polokwane on Wednesday 03-03-2010 to give support to the town’s most famous son, as he celebrated his 29th birthday. It is amazing how you can drum up support with free food and gifts.

What a young upstart “english for gat gogga”. According to my calculations he had only become a teenager when Mandella was released from prison. How he managed to defeat the apartheid regime by himself at that age is beyond me. By the time he was old enough to be in any “revolution” the current government had been in power for a few years. Who was/is he revolting against. Why the elders of those and present times, put up with his grandstanding, instead of slapping his head into a new shape, speaks volumes about the capabilities of the current leadership (with only a very few exceptions).

It is a***holes like this, that are the cause of continuing racial tensions in this country. Juju my bru “get a life” without preying on the illiterate and the elderly, by bribery and corruption. Revolt against poor service delivery and poor living conditions or is it OK for the leaders to live in luxury while the “revolutionaries” live under horrendous conditions.

VIVA Gravy train VIVA

Sindrella

Once there was a widower called Jabu who married a proud and haughty woman Winnie as his second wife. She had two daughters Beauty and Prudence who were equally vain.

By his first wife, he had had a beautiful young daughter who was a beautiful sweet tempered girl. The Stepmother Winnie and her daughters forced the first daughter to complete all the housework, washing, cooking of the sadza and the making of the (Umqombothi) beer. When the girl had done her work, she sat in the cinders of the fire, which caused her to be called “Sindrella”. The poor girl bore these insults patiently, because her two stepsisters were hermaphrodites and much bigger than her. They were gold medal winners in discus and shot put respectively. Fo sho!

One day Prince Showerhead Zoombazo invited all the young ladies in the land to a reed dance so he could check them out and choose another wife. As the two Stepsisters were invited too, they gleefully planned how skimpy their skirts would be and how much of their large impundus (behinds) and upper bodies they were going to display. Although Sindrella assisted them and dreamed of going to the dance, they taunted her by saying, a maid could never attend a ball unless she had her own taxi fare home.

As the sisters swept away to the ball in their black Guvment issue Beamers, Sindrella cried in despair. Eish!

Her Fairy Sangoma magically appeared and vowed to assist Sindrella in attending the ball. Using her lizards eyes, bats teeth, and lots of assorted bones and her guvment allowance she bought a gleaming black Mercedes, and turned mice into motorbike outriders, a toad, because of its big mouth, into a youth league leader, snakes into security policemen and a taxi driver and “guardtjie” were employed to drive the Merc. She then turned Sindrella’s rags into a beautiful grass skirt, complete with a delicate pair of glass size 12’s for her feet. The Sangoma told her to enjoy the ball, but return before midnight, for the spells would be broken when the vuvuzella was blown for the twelth time.

At the ball, all the elders, chiefs and Guvment ministers were entranced by Sindrella, especially the Prince, who never left her side. Unrecognized by her sisters, Sindrella remembered to leave before midnight and was rushed home in a blue light convoy at 120kph in a 60kph zone. Back home, Sindrella graciously thanked her Sangoma. She then greeted Beauty and Prudence who enthusiastically talked of nothing but the beautiful girl at the ball.

When another dance was held the next evening, Sindrella again attended with her Sangoma’s help. The Prince became so entranced, as he was with any woman, that his shower head kept falling over his eyes. However, this evening, she lost track of time and left only at the final blow of the vuvuzella, losing one of her glass no 12’s on the steps of the palace in her haste. The Prince chased her, but outside the palace, the guards had seen only a simple country wench leave. The Prince put the no 12 in a Checkers packet and vowed to find and marry the girl to whom it belonged. Meanwhile, Sindrella kept the other slipper, which had not disappeared when the spell had broken.

The Prince tried the slipper on all the women in KZN, but without any success. When the Prince arrived at Sindrella’s compound, the Stepsisters tried to fit the shoes in vain. When Sindrella asked if she might try, (Hawh! Becos she knew her numba twelve would fit) the Stepsisters teased her. Naturally, the slipper fit perfectly, and Sindrella produced the other slipper for good measure. The Stepsisters begged for forgiveness, and Sindrella forgave them for their cruelties.

Sindrella returned to the palace where she married the Prince and became his fifth wife, and the Stepsisters also married two sub chiefs. They moved into five star hotels while they were waiting for their houses to be redecorated for the fifth time and all lived happily ever after on the gravy obtained from the gravy train, their shares in Eishkom and all the payments from the arms and aircraft bribes.

Thinking!

I have my good days and my bad days and fortunately more good than bad. I was sitting in the shade with my legs in the sun doing my best to change colour to a light or a dark shade of brown. By doing this I wouldn’t be accused of wearing camouflage when I stand in front of a white wall, where I become like the invisible man and my clothes seem to hang suspended in mid air as I fade into the background. There is often talk of “black is beautiful” but I want to tell you, that invisible is just as good. But I digress.

I love to sit in the garden and watch the beauty and movement of God’s creation. The ants scurry back and forth with no apparent plan. The two lane highway that they travel on, is non existent to the human eye, but to the hundreds and thousands of ants hurrying in both directions it couldn’t be more clearly marked. Of course, you also get the idiot ants that suddenly stop in the middle of a freeway, or the elderly ones, that coast along in the fast lane while causing major congestion by going slower than the average speed. They also won’t pull over into the slow lane until one of the others hits them in the backside causing a multi ant pileup. They then get themselves upright and flashing signs with their antennae they make their way back onto the freeway. Some of them also pull onto the shoulder and stop for no apparent reason while others hive off on any available side road in search of new food supplies in uncharted territory. Every so often there is one transporter lugging foodstuff, building material and flowers for the girlfriend or mother.

Then there is Slow and Slimy the snail couple with all their children, too many to name individually. Slow glides along in search of food, while Slimy her husband sits in the shade of his shell and reminisces about all his past meals and mistresses. The kids slowly move from plant to plant until they find a nice leaf that they can hide under for the day, while they rest and prepare for the feast in the evening. As long as they keep out of the way of Lizzy, Larry her husband and Coffee their young lizard they should do just fine.

Lizzy met Larry the lounge lizard quite a while ago at some sun dance and they took up residence in the rock pile under the mailbox at the bottom of the garden. Larry preferred to laze away his days sunbathing while Lizzy busied herself teaching Coffee the lizard life, and eating any insect that did not fly or crawl away. (My wife says that Larry and I could be twins, but I disagree as I am better looking by far). Lizzy and Larry have had many a fight about his idleness but she has never managed to get him to move his fat backside unless there was food involved. Coffee on the other hand, was very adventurous, and was responsible for scaring me half to death on a few occasions with the last time being, when he hid under my saucer, waiting for me to pick up my cup, so that he could wriggle under my hand and force me to knock over my coffee in the process.

I have a healthy respect for Lizzy and company, as well as for their cousins, Gags and Google Gecko who live in my house in the air vent in my bedroom. These two have so far been able to live in harmony with me merely because of their antisocial behavior. As long as they keep their distance they can stay. At the moment there are many, many flies on which they can dine so they are welcome for now. I have my suspicions that Glug their young offspring has formed an alliance as they seemed very chatty on the patio the other day. I will have to inspect all the cups and saucers from now on as I don’t know what they have up their sleeve.

Have houses, need bribes

To all members of the Mamparra family,

From, Julicious Mamparra

Minister of Housing Development and private profit

Presidential suite,

The Waterfront Hotel

Cape Town

Hello my brothers, cousins, uncles, sisters and anybody else that is a relative,

I have recently acquired the contract for demolishing the two thousand crappy houses we built a few years ago. Remember.

Surely you remember the ones, where cousin Molefe kept half of the cement and Sister Rosie kept most of the fittings and where Jabu replaced the copper water pipes for plastic ones.

A new company called Suckers cc has been opened to deal with this demolition contract. We can salvage all the fittings and plastic pipe for re-use in the new houses that must be built. Brother Hong Kong says that we can keep whatever we can salvage.

Tata Mamparra must supply one long drop for every ten houses, but a quotation for Porta Potties is to be submitted (1 per two houses) to Sis Mabel to sign off.

Boeta Jules can hire trucks to transport all the rubble to my farm next to the houses, where he can dump it in the river. We need to make a dam from the rubble ensuring that some of the water escapes through the dam wall. Furrows must be dug to the houses so that people don’t have to walk for miles to get water, and that we can fulfil the contract clause that says we must have running water on site.

A new company called Rip Off (pty) ltd. has been established with all of you to have equal shares in the company available at one cent per share. You will also all be given a new Merc (company car) like the one Blade drives. It does not matter whether you can drive or not, because you can hire a driver or claim for a driver if you want to drive yourself.

I need Jabu to quote for the plumbing and Rosie to quote for the electrics. Quotations must be drawn up to include the best quality material so that we can show a bigger profit when we use the cheapest stuff money can buy and the salvaged stuff from the old houses. Molefe must quote for sand, cement and bricks. Add two bags of cement, fifty bricks and one bakkie load of sand for each house in the quotation so that we can sell this surplus from the two thousand houses that must be rebuilt.

Cuz Jongi must supply accommodation for all the people while their houses are being demolished and rebuilt. Quote for prefab housing and hire tents. Sis Mabel at the housing department will sign off the documentation too.

Antie Agnes can build a Spaza shop where the tents are, and Boeta Bongani of the Moer Toe police station will ensure that no foreigners are allowed into the camp. They will also not be allowed to open shops with cheaper goods anywhere nearby.

Once the houses have been built, Tata Juju, of Bribes Inc, can decide if they are to be given back to the original people or if others can have them on payment of a small fee. Space for business development must be leased out to the highest bidders.

Anybody else from the family who has any better ideas on how to change gravy to champagne must please phone me on my disposable cell phone with it’s untraceable sim card. Thanks for arranging this Sus RICA.

Your family for life

Julicious.